I have chosen "A dog of Flanders" as my cannon.
A Dog of Flanders is an 1872 novel by
English author Marie-Lauise de la Ramee
under the pseudonym
Ouida. It is about a Flemish boy named Nello and his faithful dog, Patrasche,
set in the Flemish village of Antwerp. The story, widely read over 100 years,
has been adapted into films and TV series as well as animation. The story focuses
on Nello, a boy growing up with his grandfather Jehan after the death of his
parents, and the dog, Patrasche, which he and his grandfather saved from near
death on the street. Nello also has the support of his best friend Aloise but
her father does not like Nello because of his poverty. This story ends sadly
with the death of Nello and Patrasche.
The type of FF is drama and the main Characters are Nello, Jehan ,Patrasche and Aloise.
Kyungohk's Fan fiction Draft
An azure blue sky,
with the heavy scent of flowers, and the sudden rush of wind, Nello found
himself in an unfamiliar place. He started walking. Soon, he came upon a hill, and
he could see his grandfather and Patrasche from afar. His grandfather’s face
looked peaceful and serene. His best friend Patrasche no longer looked haggard
or starved. Nello felt a familiar warm sensation that caressed his heart and
started to quicken his pace towards them. But, no matter how hard and fast he
tried to walked he couldn’t reach them. “Grandpa, Patrasche! Wait, please! I
need to tell you something!” Nello desperately cried. The harder he cried the
more desperate he became because the pair continued to smile peacefully at
Nello, without an answer and without a sound. The warm, heartening sensation he
felt just moments before soon evaporated and was replaced with a fearful tremor
that ran his whole body. Just then his grandfather, though still miles away,,
told him softly, but firmly, as if he was right next to him, “Don’t you worry
Nello my boy, we’ll meet again, but now is not your time, you still have quite
a bit to do. My young Nello, you will do great things some day.” Nello couldn’t
comprehend his grandfather’s words. He suddenly felt a coldness in his chest
that he couldn’t escape. He started towards them, trying to reach them again,
whatever it took to be with them once more. But the more ground he gained, the
further they seemed to be. He started to run. But suddenly, above his head came
a roaring sound, so piercing and clear his eyes forced open. He came to his
senses and scanned his surroundings. Everything was stark white. He realized he
was lying in a hospital bed, surrounded by white linen sheets and empty beds.
He hung his head, his body in tremors. His face became wet with tears as he realized
he was left all alone in this world, a world not worth living without his dear
family.
Then, a whisper. No, whispers, that seem to grow more intense and yet, strangely hushed, as if they don’t want others overhearing. Soon, a rushing through his ears. “Did you hear about that poor little boy? I heard that his dog Patrasche died and was buried beside his grandfather with the help of the villagers…” These words seemed to echo through his ears..”Yeah, and that the only reason this boy survived was because his dog covered him from the cold. Crazy huh?”
Then, a whisper. No, whispers, that seem to grow more intense and yet, strangely hushed, as if they don’t want others overhearing. Soon, a rushing through his ears. “Did you hear about that poor little boy? I heard that his dog Patrasche died and was buried beside his grandfather with the help of the villagers…” These words seemed to echo through his ears..”Yeah, and that the only reason this boy survived was because his dog covered him from the cold. Crazy huh?”
Time passed strangely fluidly, and soon the scents and colours of spring flourished. The little buds began to flutter and rise into beautiful flowers and as summer approached, more and more flowers bloomed as if to signal a new awakening. The subtle scent of flowers filled the atmosphere. Nello, quite different from before, showed a more energetic stride in his step as he walked. After the death of Patrasche many things changed. He no longer spent his days in the orphanage as Nello became part of a new family. At first, like it would for anyone, it was hard to get used to this new life of his. But he never gave up his optimism that things will turn out better as each day passed. Nello's new parents recognised his talent for painting and never hesitated to support his art. They helped him financially for his dreams to succeed.Then time passed...and passed..and passed in a comfortable pattern until Nello has become fully grown, and a man no longer haunted with worries and regrets from his past. His footsteps become lighter on his way from one of his exhibits. Not only because his art works turned out brilliantly with many applause, but alsol because he decided that a trip down memory lane would be nice.
Today was the
day. He was ready to go back. He kept a light tune, humming all the way. His
footsteps were light as if he were treading on mere clouds. The day was so
clear, bright and beautiful that he knew not even his own paintings could
capture this so accurately. Not because of the sun which shone as brightly as
Nello's own smile, not because of the flowers and bees that seemed to hum to
gether in unison but because beyond the hilltop there stood his Aloise, smiling
up at him, a smile that to him, felt just like home. Nello decided to stand his
ground, no longer the hiding coward he was before, but a new man. Nello’s heart
began to beat faster, fluttering repeatedly in his chest. He runs towards her
and hears her words, “It’s been so long Nello, you haven’t changed a bit.” He
grins. He clasps her hands and they both look down the hilltop overlooking the
village beneath them happily content with the world.

Good start. Some of the punctuation needs to be looked at particuarly in paragraph one. You also really need to separate some of your paragraphs so that they are smaller and easier to read. You could also make the font bigger. You don't have much conversation going on between the characters so you could work on that also.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your wonderful suggestions.
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